March 2nd, 2012 | 1 Comment | Posted in Jersey Shore Season 5

Welcome back! Before the recap, I’d like to hit on the big news that everyone is talking about. There are rumors floating around the internet that you can preorder your own pair of Limited Edition “Origination Series” sunglasses from Mike’s website ( AND save 10% off with the promo code “Spring2012.” As your faithful Jersey Shore recapper, allow me to proudly say that, no, this is not just a cruel internet joke, you can indeed preorder the overpriced shades and save 10%.

Let’s see, anything else? Oh yeah, the other news! Scientists have confirmed that even pickled eggs can indeed be pollinated, as Snooki appears to be pregnant. This is shocking, since I confidently declared that it was a hoax in my February 3rd recap. And really, if you can’t count on an unpaid blogger whose recaps are buried on the back pages of a website centered around the 106th season of the Bachelor, who can you trust? Given all the media hype the story is getting, I guess I believe it this time, even though the sources saying she is now pregnant are the same sources who originally said she was, then said she wasn’t. It’s not so much the solid track record of breaking stories then recanting then breaking the same story again that has swayed me this time, but the realization that this is probably a giant (planned) stunt by Snooki to stay in the public’s eye a little longer. And both of you who have been reading this column since the beginning may realize this is EXACTLY in line with the MTV programming mantra of “beat something into the ground, then keep it going a little longer by adding another hackneyed element” (see the season preview column). Jersey Shore lost its mojo? Take the guidos that were once successful and add them with the unfit mom dynamic that makes Teen Mom so captivating. The end result: the creation of the kid least likely to develop into a normal human being. Ever.

As you ponder that for a moment, remember that Brittany Spears and Kevin Federline procreated, as did the Simpson sister with the huge schnoz and the guy from Fall Out Boy. I spent A LOT of time at work today wondering if there could be a worse possible parenting combination than Snooki and the guy so desperate for “fame” that he dates Snooki, even though she slept with 50% of the guys in the house, all the while in a “committed” relationship with soon-to-be baby daddy. Turns out there is one worse combination: Perez Hilton and my sister-in-law.

One thought on “JERSEY SHORE – 3/2/12

Leave a Reply