March 2nd, 2012 | 1 Comment | Posted in Jersey Shore Season 5

And is it just me, or is Karma getting less and less trendy? Exhibit A: Jionni’s parents hang out at there. I understand that the dress code is very liberal and open to interpretation, but I am a little surprised Jionni’s dad was able to bring his fanny pack inside.

Also inside Karma, we see that the Unit is back from Miami, so it’s FINALLY time to tell Jionni that his baby-momma is a skank, right? Well, no, not just yet. (And at this point, what’s the rush?) Turns out, after all of this time, Mike and the Unit don’t really have a game plan, and allow Snooki and Jionni to sneak out of the club before they can spill the beans. Perhaps Mike and the Unit should have spent more time on the phone strategizing rather than reciting passages from “Obscene Phone Calls, by Dr. Suess.” Here is a sample phone call:

What’s popping and locking big dog?

Yeah, uhhhhh, yeah, we bout to clear the fog!

You gotta hit it and split it homey.

Yeah, we do it right, so they can blow me.

I want to have sex with you Mike.

And I want to have sex with you the Unit.

(Also, I’d just like to point out here that the Unit has a neck tattoo of Chinese characters. No joke needed.)

So with Snooki and Jionni gone, the Unit proceeds to get absolutely wasted (not positive it was all alcohol, but why would I let his abrupt change in behavior and pending criminal proceedings related to drug possession skew my views?) Mike has to essentially carry him home, which was noble, but first he takes the Unit’s shirt off, which was not entirely surprising. Nor was Mike’s pep talk, where he tells the Unit that he needs to sober up so that he “can handle Mike’s business”. The infatuation between these two is not even ambiguously gay anymore… too bad JWoww and Roger reserved the smush room for the night! But before Mike and the Unit can get back home, what appears to be the entire Seaside Heights police department swoops in to arrest the Unit for “public intoxication.” Again, I’m not saying this was drug related, but that was a lot of cops for a drunk guy walking pretty peacefully down the street. And do they always bring German Shepherds with them to arrest a drunk guy?

With the Unit “out of town” yet again, Jionni gets to spend yet another night being blissfully ignorant, and we see the same preview for next week that we have seen a million times. This makes the guy whose job it is to create the “scenes from next week” the person paid the most for the least amount of work since Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas.

And that’s it for this week’s episode. This is going to sound ridiculous given every episode of Jersey Shore, ever, but this one felt really light on content. Oh well, only two episodes left. Next week’s food fight, then the packing and hugging montage. With only two episodes left, I fear we’ll never find out why Sammi is given a nickname in the opening montage (has anyone actually ever called her Sweetheart?) and what happened to Rydar (my guess, she is “out of town” as well.) At least the Pauly D Project looks promo looked good.

Till next week.

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