Welcome back! This is an exciting week for the Jersey Shore recap, as it marked the first time all season that I didn’t have to work on a Friday. What does that mean for you? Absolutely nothing! But, I’m personally excited as this is the first recap that wasn’t edited on my iphone in a bathroom stall after ducking out from a meaningless meeting. (I am a little bummed that I am missing out on Hawaiian shirt day today though). Turns out it is pretty tough to edit on an iphone. I usually spend my allotted editing time doing one of two things: tapping the screen feverishly trying to get the cursor in the right place or shouting “No Siri, I said ‘roid rage’….no, ‘roid rage’…..‘ROID RAGE!!!!!!’ Damn you Siri. No, DAMN YOU Siri.”
Picking up from last week, we return to Karma with Roger and a semi-naked JWoww. Roger announces that he wants to leave because he doesn’t want to dance to Bon Jovi. He says this knowing full well he is in clear violation of the first commandment of New Jersey – thou shall not hate on Bon Jovi. The locals at Karma won’t stand for any anti-Bon Jovi sentiments, so they send the smallest guy in the club to take a swing at Roger, who is perhaps the biggest man on the planet. Roger lays the guy out with one punch in a scene straight out of Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, due to both the quickness of Roger’s punch and the size ratio of the fighters. It seems that even the bouncers at Karma are intimidated by Roger, as they kick the small guy out, yet condemn Roger’s violence through a series of high fives and free shots.
The man-love for Roger continues back at the house, as Ronnie begs for quality time and Mike makes sandwiches (and thinly veiled passes) while they all hang out on the patio and fawn over how awesome Roger is. The conversation drifts to fashion, as the cast debates whether or not Roger is too old for the faux hawk (answer: no. Roger can do no wrong). But being the dominant alpha male beast is not all free shots and sandwiches. Roger is actually too tough for his own good! The Viagra he popped in anticipation of an amorous evening with JWoww is rendered as ineffective as the dude he knocked out at Karma, which leaves JWoww unsatisfied. However, Roger won’t have to sleep alone as Ronnie volunteers to spoon for the night.
But it wasn’t just JWoww and the viewers of Madonna’s half time show who were left unsatisfied. Snooki gets into it with Jionni, as he was too drunk to get it into Snooki. Yet, not even a mouth full of vomit could deter Snooki’s unquenchable sex drive! She stands outside the bathroom door while Jionni direct-deposits his entire bar tab into the toilet, begging him to come out so they can smush. Unfortunately, the worst thing you can possibly do when trying to not throw up is to think about having sex with Snooki. As such, Snooki’s constant demands for nookie cause Jionni to wretch himself into a coma, and he passes out while curled in the fetal position.
So….is Snooki prego?