JERSEY SHORE – 1/20/12

Because it’s what Vinny would want, Deena and Snookie go day drinking on the shore, resulting in the same “drunken meatball montage” we see once every other episode. There is one new wrinkle however, when the girls inadvertently stumble onto the set of the next You Got Served movie, and get into a dance battle with America’s Youngest Dance Crew. Apparently when you’re 12, you can get into bars in Jersey before noon. Snookie as usual is a stumbling mess, leading Deena to lament that it is sad when she is the sober one. True, but it’s even sadder when Deena is the attractive one. It’s not that Deena is inherently that unattractive, but she appears to apply her lipstick with a paint roller, and when she cries, she looks one of my daughter’s finger paintings. Deena, next time you are putting on makeup, take a page out of Mike’s advice book and do the opposite of what you think you should do. Less is more.

Over the next couple nights out, Pauly brings 3 different girls home, hooking up in his bed, Vinny’s bed, and then, GASP, not hooking up at all! Mike brings home Paula, and even Deena brings someone home. After each of these trysts, or attempted trysts, someone from the cast has to call a cab to pick the random person up. And it always appears to take forever for the cab to arrive. This happens just about every single night. Why are there no cabs on standby at the Shore House? Perhaps Ronnie’s venture can be a cab company located near the house.

A nearby cab company would surely be successful, as the cast is hooking up more this season than any other season. And what’s crazy is how little the guys have to do to pick up girls. One girl literally just hands Mike her number and Pauly actually scores with “I have a lot of shoes in the living room” (uh oh, is this the tie in to shoe jewelry?). Even Unit manages to get two girls at the same time, which is all the more impressive as he does this while wearing Crocodile Dundee’s clothes. But, getting the girl home doesn’t guarantee a smush, as Pauly gets shot down at one point in this episode, on his birthday no less. So although Pauly failed to get it in, he won with this exchange- Pauly: You can come upstairs or I can call you a cab. Bosnian Girl: Can we just talk in the room? Pauly: I’ll call you a cab. Technically this doesn’t qualify for Pauly for the Quote of the Night, so that award goes to Ronnie, with “She seems like a nice girl, that’s why she doesn’t belong here.”

The remaining drama stems from the birthday celebration for Pauly and the lack thereof for Mike. Although they share the same birthday week, Pauly’s is celebrated, while Mike’s is ignored. Pauly gets a huge party with his family, a haircut from his barber from back home, and two different cakes. Mike just gets salty and depressed as no one seems to care that it’s his birthday too. And I can see his point. It was one thing to be left out of Pauly’s family party at the restaurant, but it was a little shady that the girls made a cake at home for Pauly but not Mike. What’s wrong Sammi, couldn’t spare an extra four letters of frosting on the cake?

So after being ignored on his birthday, Mike decides to go for a walk by himself at the end of the episode, leading the remaining cast to panic because “Oh no, Mike has left too!” and “Now there’s only 6 of us!” Yes, Mike did leave….to go for a walk. He didn’t pack anything up, he didn’t call a cab, dude just left to take a walk. Calm down folks, he’ll be back in ten minutes. And I’m sure he’ll have a great offer for us when he returns.

Until next week.

Written by:
Reese
reesejerseyshore@gmail.com