JERSEY SHORE – 1/20/12

January 20th, 2012 | 3 Comments | Posted in Jersey Shore Season 5

Quick sidebar here: I actually don’t think this is an awful idea. I’ve always thought it would be smart to make and market beer that is good for you. (Why do I feel like I am explaining a “Jump to Conclusions” mat here?) I mean, we have vitamin water, so why not brew beer with that, and call it vitamin beer? Or just crush up some Flintstones chewables and dilute them into a beer? As Americans, we often try to fool ourselves into thinking that we are being healthy when we are clearly not, like ordering a salad, but one that is covered in 3 pounds of salami and ranch dressing, or choosing diet coke over regular coke with a box of 20 chicken nuggets. So why couldn’t you expect a reasonable amount of success selling something marketed as healthy that gets you drunk?

But perhaps Mike’s best idea, and surely the focal point of an upcoming episode or two, is Mike’s line of shoe jewelry! Accessories, for shoes….. Brilliant!!! There’s been a huge void in the market for shoe accessories since Bow Biters went under. If Mike can capture just 5% of this non-existent market, he’ll have made $400,000 from the vodka endorsement thing. And who knows just how many tens of units of shoe jewelry Mike can move after pimping them on the show? Let’s just say I bet it’s more than the number of books Vinny sells to people outside of his family.

So, aside from Mike emerging as the obvious guess for the next lead in Jersey Salesman, what else happened?

The show started with Vinny having just left and Pauly standing out the roof staring out into the night, trying to figure out exactly how long he has to pretend to be sad before he can go to the club. I don’t doubt that Pauly will miss Vinny as a friend, but there has to be at least some part of him that is excited about getting to sleep in a bed that isn’t touching another man’s bed.

At the club, word of Vinny’s departure spreads quicker than the skanks Mike brings home. Deena, just like when applying make-up, pours it on way too thick. She’s a drunk, sobbing mess because she misses Vinny so much even though he’s only been gone for 6 minutes. Although while trying to cheer her up, JWow inadvertently starts a fun new game that continues the rest of the episode. It’s called “What Would Vinny Want Me to Do?”

So What Would Vinny Want Me To Do? For JWow, it’s get drunk and dance for the next hour until the club closes. For Pauly, it’s get it in with some girl. For Deena and Snookie, it’s time to day drink. For Mike, it’s watch an episode of Matlock. For Ronnie, it’s wear skinny jeans. For Pauly later in the episode, it’s bang a different girl, in Vinny’s old bed. Amazingly, Vinny is more fun when he’s not even there!

3 thoughts on “JERSEY SHORE – 1/20/12

  1. Alright well right after I stick up for you, you go and write this recap.. which I just dont get..
    You’re utterly pissed off that they are using this show as an advertisements for these characters products/endorsement deals/spin offs and so on.. yet you use more than have your recap to advertise for me… jhob well done.. pot calling the kettle black if you ask me.. Annoying recap.

  2. Job well done, thanks for editing it for me. Yes, I am the queen at making typos, good thing I wasnt complaining about grammer and spelling. Glad you found it so hilarious though. Easy to get your jollies going though, eh.

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