JERSEY SHORE – 2/17/12

Welcome back to the weekly Jersey Shore recap, now with 83% less spelling errors. Before we address my inability to spell, as well as comments on some reader emails, let’s take a peek at what happened this week.

As usual, we start off where we ended last week, with JWoww trying to apologize to Roger, sans “d”. (I’m granting JWoww the final W due to her bleeding ass.) Roger, like Vinny with the Plan B last week, just wants an excuse to unload and launches into a tirade against JWoww. Although embroiled in a pretty intense fit of ‘roid rage, he actually has a solidly constructed argument against JWoww and her trust issues. At first I couldn’t figure out if JWoww was sitting there silently from pure shock or from her inability to comprehend multi-syllabic words. But turns out it was neither. JWoww is just an experienced guidette, who understands that the best way to deal with ‘roid rage, like a child’s temper tantrum, is to simply wait it out. After a few minutes of screaming, Roger gets tuckered out, whimpers “I love you” and crawls up for a nap with his binky. See how easy that was?

But Roger’s not the only one needing an apology, as Bitter Danny is still upset at the meatballs for skipping out on work. And I get Danny’s annoyance. Danny doesn’t expect much from his employees. If you work for Danny and are not on the Jersey Shore cast, you simply need to stand around behind the counter. If you work for Danny and are on the Jersey Shore cast, you just need to stand around behind the counter and make sure the tourists can see you. Basically, you need the work ethic of a statue. So it’s frustrating when the meatballs can’t even manage that for an hour a day. To make things up to Danny and show how sorry they are, the meatballs make Danny a cake…. then 50% of them actually show up to work for their scheduled shift.

The missing 50% is Snooki, who needs to see the doctor for her self-diagnosed UTI. Snooki calls the doctor’s office and is excited to learn that they have an open 4 pm “walk in,” which makes me ponder the difference between an appointment and a scheduled walk-in. But the more interesting tidbit from this scene is that a 4 pm appointment makes Snooki late for her shift at the Shore store. Snooki’s excuse is that the doctor’s appointment, er, walk-in, took longer than expected. Point is, Danny must have gotten tired of the recurring scene of the cast struggling to wake and make the 10 am shift so he moved them to a shift starting no earlier than 4 pm… And they STILL can’t show up to work on time. Good luck finding gainful employment when the show ends!