Welcome back!

First, I’d like to point that I have not yet been sued by MTV, so there is no need to donate any money to my legal fund. Turns out there is one benefit to having your spoilers be 100% made up and incorrect all the time. My gracious host Steve on the other hand is not so lucky as you probably know, so if you enjoy this site at all, head over to the main page and drop him a buck or two if you can. In a show of solidarity, I actually donated 100% of the proceeds from this recap column to his defense fund.

And as to Pauly and his DJ skills, through the magic of youtube, the mystery is over. I did a little checking this week, and Pauly D is in fact a terrible DJ. Admittedly, I’m pretty negative about DJ’s in general. I guess I’m just old fashioned, but I like my “artists” to be able to sing or play an instrument, or GASP, both. If … Continue reading →

Welcome back. It’s the penultimate episode and recap of Jersey Shore Season 5. Small change of format this week as I’ll hit the recap first, then reader emails at the end, including predictions for each cast member’s future.

But first, the episode:

We are nine episodes into Season 5, and it is FINALLY time to end the ridiculously un-enthralling story line that has been plaguing this entire season. Yes, Mike finally tells Jionni that he hooked up with Snooki. I tried to remember how this story even got started. Mike hooked up with Snooki, now is upset for some reason, and, well, and… I really don’t care how it started, I’m just glad to finally have it over. But first, we see from last week that Mike’s master plan of having the Unit confirm the story is ruined by the Seaside Heights PD. (My comment from last week was incorrect. It wasn’t the entire Seaside Heights PD arresting the Unit. It was a mere 6 officers, 2 cars, and a van. Literally. For being “drunk … Continue reading →

Welcome back! Before the recap, I’d like to hit on the big news that everyone is talking about. There are rumors floating around the internet that you can preorder your own pair of Limited Edition “Origination Series” sunglasses from Mike’s website (www.officialsituation.com) AND save 10% off with the promo code “Spring2012.” As your faithful Jersey Shore recapper, allow me to proudly say that, no, this is not just a cruel internet joke, you can indeed preorder the overpriced shades and save 10%.

Let’s see, anything else? Oh yeah, the other news! Scientists have confirmed that even pickled eggs can indeed be pollinated, as Snooki appears to be pregnant. This is shocking, since I confidently declared that it was a hoax in my February 3rd recap. And really, if you can’t count on an unpaid blogger whose recaps are buried on the back pages of a website centered around the 106th season of the Bachelor, who can you trust? Given all the media hype the story is getting, I guess I believe it this … Continue reading →