Welcome back! Before we get to the recap this week, I wanted to start by answering a few reader emails, only half of which are fake:

Hey Reese, did you hear that Snookie is pregnant? Laura M., Austin

I did indeed hear this rumor and as much of a glorious train wreck as that would be, I have to call BS. From a strictly biological perspective, this is impossible. Snookie’s eggs are completely pickled at this point in her life due to the constant alcoholic barrage of 2 for 1 mixed drinks. Look at this episode, even her own urine refuses to stay in her body for more than 20 minutes at a time, so I’m pretty sure carrying a child to full gestation is out of the question. Just like answering fake reader emails is the oldest trick in the book for filling up space when there is no new content, a pregnancy scare is the oldest trick in the book to try to draw attention to a dying show. Let’s not … Continue reading

February 3rd, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Jersey Shore Season 5

JERSEY SHORE – 1/27/12

Welcome back to the Jersey Shore, Vinny-Free for Almost an Episode and A Half!

Earlier I predicted that Vinny wouldn’t be away from the show for more than an episode or two. Turns out that was pretty accurate. Last week’s show began with the camera crew following Vinny out to his home in Staten Island. Once back home, there was a really awkward reunion which consisted solely of Vinny mumbling “I had to come home” several times, while his mom and 7 of his female(?) cousins nodded solemnly. And all of this took place in a really narrow hallway. With the lack of space and words, it must have been hard for the camera crew to capture a good shot, especially while trying to remember if their contracts counted drive time to and from Staten Island as work.

Well, hopefully the camera crew does indeed get paid for drive time, as they make a return trip at the end of this week’s episode. So from the beginning of last week until the end of … Continue reading

January 27th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Jersey Shore Season 5

JERSEY SHORE – 1/20/12

Yesterday, I had one of those moments. I imagine it is how Ronnie feels an hour after he reads a Marmaduke comic. Let’s call it an epiphany. Even though the evidence was right in front of me the whole time, for whatever reason, I couldn’t put it all together. And maybe this was already blatantly obvious to you, but it should be noted that I’m old and slow so it takes me a little longer sometimes.

I finally figured out why this season of Jersey Show has been so awful and why it’s not likely to get better any time soon.

Last week I wrote a little about Pauly’s spin off show, and how, against all odds, it actually seems like it might be a good idea now. Why? Because Pauly has been on fire so far this season. He’s funny, he’s charismatic, he’s banging girls at a Wilt Chamberlain pace…. it’s almost like the show was going out of its way to make Pauly as interesting as possible.

Then I spent the better part … Continue reading

January 20th, 2012 | 3 Comments | Posted in Jersey Shore Season 5