The show starts off with Mike once again alone and voicing his inner thoughts aloud. He slobbers down a salami sandwich and then goes to watch his cheri amore, Snooki, sleep before he goes to bed himself. Don’t worry; nothing I just described sounded sociopathic at all. The rest of the gang comes home from the club and they decide now is the time to talk to Mike about all their issues with him. Yes, they decide in the wee hours of the morning while still intoxicated from a night of binge drinking that now is the most appropriate time to have a serious discussion with their black sheep roommate who is already sound asleep. Don’t worry; nothing I just described sounded illogical at all. Ronnie tells Mike to make amends for all his wrongdoings or they’re voting him off the island at the next tribal council ceremony. I wonder if season 5 of Jersey Shore will have a Redemption Island theme. I think Mike would thrive on an island by himself with a camera … Continue reading →

The penultimate episode of the season begins where we left off last week. Snooki is fixing her minor faux paus in telling Jionni prematurely that she did not have sex with Vinnie when in fact she had. “Nicole, you don’t break up with your boyfriend and **** another guy an hour later!” Uhh, you do if you wanna be a female reality star. Paris Hilton does it, Kim Kardashian does it (…err did it; pardon me, I forgot she’s married now to that Frankenstein looking dude from the Nets who creepily shares the same first name as her mom). How does he expect Snooki to maintain her celebrity status beyond Jersey Shore if she isn’t a dirty drunk whore too? Through talent? Blasphemy! Snooki kept violently fanning herself while she was crying during the conversation. I think that was the most subtlety they’ve used in a Snooki fart joke all season. Jionni tells Snooki she can no longer be his girlfriend, but then when Vinnie asks how he took the news, Snooki tells him that … Continue reading →

When we last the gang last week, Lauren, Lo, and Audrina went out to a lunch at a street café in downtown LA to talk about their relationships. After complaining about Justin Bobby, they girls met Brody at a club somewhere where a drunken Audrina went home with him instead of to her boyfriend…I’m sorry I just miss it sometimes. Instead, Snooki fought with her boyfriend and slept with Vinnie. The chain of events causes Snooki to wake up early the next day and then immediately wake up Jenni because she doesn’t want to eat alone. That seems completely unnecessary since just by looking at Snooki I’d gather that she never really had a problem eating when other people aren’t around. Jenni asks Nicole where she’s been, saying she looked everywhere for her. You know, everywhere except the only other room in her house. What a thorough investigation that must’ve been.

Jenni tells Snooki that she’s mad at Mike since Mike was telling everyone he hooked up with Snooki. Didn’t they already fight over that … Continue reading →