Welcome back! Before we get to the recap this week, I wanted to start by answering a few reader emails, only half of which are fake:
Hey Reese, did you hear that Snookie is pregnant? Laura M., Austin
I did indeed hear this rumor and as much of a glorious train wreck as that would be, I have to call BS. From a strictly biological perspective, this is impossible. Snookie’s eggs are completely pickled at this point in her life due to the constant alcoholic barrage of 2 for 1 mixed drinks. Look at this episode, even her own urine refuses to stay in her body for more than 20 minutes at a time, so I’m pretty sure carrying a child to full gestation is out of the question. Just like answering fake reader emails is the oldest trick in the book for filling up space when there is no new content, a pregnancy scare is the oldest trick in the book to try to draw attention to a dying show. Let’s not forget, Snookie has to garner interest in her spinoff with JWow, who from a strictly medical perspective, was in a coma for the first 4 episodes this season. However, with JWow poised to be involved in a story line next week and Snookie’s toxic womb, I’m sure the pregnancy rumors will start to die down very soon. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great rumor, I just don’t think it’s true.
Hey Reese, if this pregnancy thing were somehow true, could it save Season 5 and make it interesting? Alison J., Cleveland
Logistically speaking, no, as the season has already been filmed. However, if Snookie is indeed pregnant, MTV could easily eek out one final season of the Shore. Think about it – the father of the kid is surely a mystery so the entire season could be spent trying to determine who is going to owe child support. Each episode would be a Murder, She Wrote-type analysis around the potential fathers, with one guy being eliminated as the potential Daddy each week. Instead of receiving a rose, the eliminated guy would receive a can of warm beer and pair of Shore Store booty shorts. Just look at the list of potential fathers: Vinny, Unit, Danny, Mike, Roger, or Jionni. MTV could easily drag this out into a full season. The shocking conclusion, revealed in a 4 part episode, would ultimately reveal the father to be Uncle Nino. Who wouldn’t watch that?
Hey Reese, would Snookie make the worst mom in the history of the world? Casey A., somewhere in Florida
Maybe not the absolute worst, but top 5 for sure.
Hey Reese, you questioned Pauly’s DJing skills a few weeks back…. what’s Pauly’s best case scenario as an artist? Brendan B., representing the Midwest
Pauly’s best case isn’t that great as there are very few successful artists who only DJ. Jazzy Jeff, the guy who wears a giant mouse head, and, well…. like I said, it’s hard to make it strictly as a DJ. So I think Pauly’s best case is to team up with a singer, come up with one song that everyone likes (even if not willing to admit publicly), and then fade into obscurity, save for a low-budget VH1 countdown show. Basically, best case, he becomes the Italian version of Nine Stories.
As the clock on cultural irrelevancy strikes 14 and a half minutes, who is the one character who could still be relevant in 10 years? Puck, San Francisco
I’ll go with a long shot and say JWow, now that she appears to have woken up. First of all, JWow is 87% silicon, so she’ll look the same in ten years as she does now. Second, she is really intimidating and can flip out at the drop of a hat, so could milk a few more years of fame from a Real World / Road Rules challenge type show (she’d be the Michael Jordan of the Jersey Shore / Bachelor challenge). And lastly, she is the odds on favorite to have a sex tape “stolen” and released to the internet when the fame dies down. In fact, I think she already set this up in Season 1 or 2 of Jersey Shore when her ex-boyfriend stole her hard drive from her house. Let’s just say I don’t think JWow had a lot of Power Point presentations backed up. Whatever was on that hard drive will be released just as soon as people are starting to forget about JWow.
Great questions everyone! With the fake reader inbox cleared out, let’s get on with this week’s episode:
