Wait, Sammi? Someone needs to call the Seaside Heights police department and cancel that Amber Alert, it turns out that Sammi is indeed still around! Sammi, after successfully breaking Ronnie and changing every single fiber of his being, decided to face her next challenge: fighting a drunken Jersey Skank at Karma. Apparently upon entering the club, someone pulled Sammi’s hair (yes, technically it is her hair as she did pay for it), causing Sammi to attack. The fight happened so quickly, and the bar was dark, that it was sort of hard to tell what happened. But nonetheless, it was still a shocker seeing the two girls tussle on the ground of what I can only imagine to be a really disgusting bar floor. Sammi is so bottom heavy I just assumed she was part Weeble but she did more than just wobble, she actually fell down and was fighting on the ground. Not sure who took the worst of it, but considering the other girl was able to do what no toddler has ever been able to do by taking Sammi to the mat, I’ll call Sammi the loser of this fight.
After getting thrown out of the club, everyone decides to head back home to play Scrabble. Did I say Scrabble? I meant to say “have dirty unprotected sex with little to no privacy.” Even Ronnie’s friend and Deena hit the sheets. At this point I’m feeling even worse for Ronnie’s friend, as everyone was kicked out of the club so quickly he couldn’t even drink himself blind before Deena tries hooking up with him. But, in an amazing yet unpredictable testament to the power of 7 million people shouting “Don’t do it man!!!!!” in unison, Deena’s alarm clock goes off right when the coitus is about to begin. Even after unplugging the clock, it still goes off repeatedly, sounding a very blatant alarm to Ronnie’s friend that he was about to make a huge mistake. Never underestimate The Force.
Unfortunately for Paula, there are no such alarm clocks to warn her. She spends the night with Mike for about the 15th time. The next morning, Mike admits that he likes Paula, and that there is a good chance Paula might get a second date. So sleeping in Mike’s bed the first 14 times doesn’t count as a date, but walking into a club for about 4 bars of music before getting thrown out, THEN spending the night counts as a date? Got it.
After the failed couples’ night, it’s time to go get Vinny (booooooo!) The cast piles into cars and drives back to Staten Island to pick up Vinny, who is feeling much better after having slept in his racecar bed for a few nights. Vinny is so easily convinced to return to the Shore that I’m starting to think his leaving was just a ploy to get some of his stuff home to make more room for Pauly’s shoes. Although only in Staten Island for a brief period of time, there are two mysteries presented. 1) Why is Tony Siragusa standing in Vinny’s kitchen wearing an apron? and 2) why would Vinny get a tattoo that sounds like an AA motto on his chest? When asked about his “Let Go, Let God” tattoo, Vinny sort of just shrugs. Well, at least it’s meaningful to him.
And finally, we get a sneak peek of next week’s episode. Next week we will see Snookie running around in a bunny suit humping things and Mike calling Unit to talk about his hooking up with Snookie. Or in other words, a rerun.
Till then.
Written by:
Reese
reesejerseyshore@gmail.com
