JERSEY SHORE – 9/16/11

Later that day, Snooki and Deena decide to get back into their “normal routine” of going to the gym. I’m sorry, but once a month is not a normal routine. Deena is probably like one of those girls who goes to the gym all glammed up in makeup, walks on like 3.0 on the treadmill for 20 minutes, and then goes home and supplements her workout by eating healthier such as only drinking diet soda and only eating cartons of low calorie ice creams. The gym is a funny place because this catch 22 exists where there’s only 2 types of people who go: the ones who really need to go but barely do anything while they’re there and the ones who really don’t need to go but have the most intense work outs. Take a guess which one Snooki and Deena probably fall under? And before people start ragging on me, the guy who writes for an Internet blog for a TV show, and stereotyping me as one of the former as well, you’re wrong. Hell, I’m training for an ironman competition in November right now. Come on, guys, I’m from the Jersey Shore, OF COURSE I WORK OUT! That’s like all we know how to do, right?

So Team Meatball is driving to the gym when all of the sudden they hit a cop car. So add driving to the list of things Snooki can’t do well. Not that it surprises me that Snooki can’t drive because, you know, she’s a woman. You know what they say: women drivers no survivors. Am I right, fellas!?!?

Honestly, given the things we’ve already seen this season on the show, I have heavy doubts that they actually hit a cop car. The camera pans out to just their faces on the impact and has no explicit footage of any accident actually happening. In the footage of their faces, Snooki is slamming the breaks as if she’s about to rear end someone, yet somehow the damage to the cop car is on the side of the car. So scientifically it doesn’t equate either. Based on things like Mike ramming his hands into a wall and going to the hospital, voice tracking Ronnie last week, two security guards magically appearing in the apartment during a fight, and so on, my guess would be this thing was staged. I mean come on there were multiple cameras moving around next to the cops, who didn’t care one bit. If a bunch of kids were driving around, hit a cop car, and one of the kids had his camcorder out recording the thing, don’t you think the cop would’ve yelled at the kid to shut it off? But I suppose if it’s a professional cameraman shooting the accident for a reality show, it’s fine? I mean this isn’t “Cops” for God’s sake, it’s “real life”.

When Snooki tells the officer she doesn’t have her license, the cop lets her call back to the house to have someone bring her license to the cop. Wait what? When does this ever happen? If a cop catches you driving without a license, you get a ticket on the spot. I have never once heard of a cop who says, “Oh you didn’t have a license when you hit my car? That’s fine. I’ll just wait here as long as I need to until you can get someone to bring your license out to me at their convenience. It’s fine, I have all day, and it’s not like you did anything wrong like hit a cop car or anything.” Here’s the clincher for me: so Snooki calls back to the house to tell them to bring her purse. Then when Snooki takes her breathalyzer test, HER PURSE IS RIGHT ON HER LAP! “I left my license in my other purse, officer” is right up there on the level of excuses as “my dog ate my homework.” Yet, of course, the cop was totally fine with all this. Seriously, if you still believe this show is even remotely real, I have some swampland in Arizona I’d like to sell you.

The show ends with a dramatic cliffhanger of will Snooki get arrested or not? Of course, ten seconds after they showed the trailer for next week of her being drunk at a club and fighting with Jionni. BUT HOW CAN I POSSIBLY WAIT A WHOLE WEEK TO SEE IF SHE GETS ARRESTED OR NOT? I CAN’T TAKE THE SUSPENSE! How dare you play with my emotions like that, television producers! Damn you guys are good.

Jason