…and we’re off to the club. Wow that fast, huh? I really thought this was finally the week they would do something wholesome and cultural for a change. I mean you’re in Italy for God’s sakes. You could go to a club any night in the US and do the same things as a club in Italy: buy overpriced drinks to give you the needed gumption to approach mediocre looking girls who can only be tolerated because you can’t hear what stupid things they’re saying over the ear-bleedingly loud techno music. Why not take advantage of this once in a lifetime trip that’s being entirely funded by a major television network? Think of all the sights and places that Italy has that you will never get to see in the US that you’re missing out on. Are they really that myopic? These people are amused way too easily. I swear they could run this show at a high school garage party in the Jersey suburbs somewhere and they probably wouldn’t even know the difference. It would probably save the network hundreds of thousands in budgeting as well.
Well I guess they do change up one thing this week: the girls go one place and the guys go another. At the guys’ club, Pauly is dancing with a girl. A guy comes by and keeps repeating the words “che cosa” at Pauly, which loosely translated means “too much hair gel” in Italian. Those are fighting words! Nobody makes snide comments about Pauly D’s hair. Pauly gets in the dude’s face but security quickly breaks it up. And by security, I mean one tiny looking bald guy with glasses who was half the size of Pauly and the Italian dude. He looked just like Moby, and by appearing for 10 seconds of a TV show in 2011, he’s now just as famous as Moby as well. Nevertheless, he broke it up before any punches were thrown. So that’s two non-fights in the same episode, even though the commercial billed this episode the most fist bumping and fist punching episode of Jersey Shore ever.
Mike and Snooki have a moment. She said she was still mad at Mike for lying his ass off about having sex with her, but almost watching him die on the floor made her realize she loves him as a friend. Oh for crying out loud: dying on the floor? I’ve sustained more serious injuries from playing video games than Mike got in this episode. Since when did Jersey Shore turn into such a soap opera anyway?
Back at the club, Ron is talking to some random chick. She invites herself back to the shore house, but Ron says he doesn’t want to hook up with any grenades. Then why did you get back together with Sammi? ZING! I got you, Sam. Bet you didn’t see that incredibly obvious follow-up coming. Ron has an epiphany and decides he wants to go be an adult and not bring a girl back to the same house Sam is in. Instead he goes outside the club where, for some reason, there’s a guy on the street selling a single bouquet of flowers. Well la de da. How convenient? Of course there’s a street flower vendor hanging out outside a nightclub at 2 AM, who just happens to have 1 bouquet of roses left. When doesn’t that happen? This would be like if I said, “I’d sell my soul for a hot dog,” and then I walked outside my house in middle-of-nowhere, New Jersey at 11:43 PM on a Tuesday night to find a hot dog vendor on my front lawn. If only life worked as well for me as it does for Ron because now I really want a hot dog. Excuse me, I have to go check something outside…
So Ron gives Sam the flowers as a way to bury the hatchet. Sam’s immediate response was to ask Ron if these were for another girl. Yes, Sam, he came home with only two guys, directly handed you a bouquet of flowers, and apologized to you for being an a**hole all as a trick just so he could give those same flowers to another girl. It’s just so hard to take Sam’s side when she’s this dumb. So they fight again because Sam was being so ungrateful. Ron decides to take the flowers back and throw them in the trash. Oh, come on, Ron if that didn’t stop her with the earrings what makes you think it will stop her now? Sure enough, trash digging Sam once again goes dumpster diving to retrieve her flowers. I’ve heard of the term “filthy whore” but this just brings it to a whole new level.
And with that, I get a much appreciated week and a half off from this show. Leave emails if you want to discuss or comment.
Jason
