While we’re on the subject of reality TV producers, I wanted to share a link to this pretty awesome short story I heard this week. It’s about a producer of a reality TV game show who is ordered by her network to manufacture a romantic storyline between two contestants who have no real interest in each other. It’s a very interesting look at what things are like behind the scenes of a reality show, and how exactly they manipulate what people do or say. It’s an 18-minute podcast which you can hear at http://www.thisamericanlife.org/play_full.php?play=444&podcast=1. Fast forward to the 38 minute mark. It’s very interesting, if you have the time. I should totally have gotten like a free t-shirt for that plug.
Back to the show: Ron decides he needs some Ron time, so they show about the saddest weight lifting montage in television history. They just showed Ron doing the slowest, least intense looking workout I’ve ever seen by such a big guy. The whole time it looked like he wanted to cry. The sad music in the background didn’t help. If you had just tuned in at this point, you would’ve thought he was having his arms amputated the next day and this was his last workout or something. But no, all he did was break up with Sam. After watching this, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do pushups again without crying. Way to make me feel again, Jersey Shore.
Half of the house goes out to eat. Pauly tells the camera that, “Every time I think of Ron and Sam it makes me want to throw up.” You guys can’t hear it, but I just slow clapped. Well said, Pauly. So then Snooki talks to Jionni on the phone. She mentions that she was sexually frustrated before she fixed herself in the shower. “You’re gross,” said Jionni. That’s her boyfriend, ladies and gentleman, calling her gross. Still that’s probably the nicest thing any guy has ever said about Snooki’s vagina. “I’d just like to hear a guy say something sweet like that about me one day,” Deena hopelessly dreamed to herself as she headed to the shower for the third time that day.
Sam decides to give back all the stuff Ron ever bought her as an act of defiance. Ron sees Sammi’s defiance and raises his independence by throwing all of Sam’s gifts in the garbage. Sammi considers going all-in by starting a rumor that Ron has a tiny pecker, but then she folds instead when she takes a pair of earrings out of the garbage like a hobo reaching for a half-eaten sandwich. Score this round for Ron.
Mike was lying down in his bed. We learn that Mike sleeps with his sunglasses on, which means that he’s also a douche even he’s sound asleep. He then wakes up and complains about feeling alone. He sat there by himself sadly smoking a cigarette and eating a quesadilla by his bed. Once again, they piped in some slow music in the background. This is one of the most depressing episodes of Jersey Shore ever. It’s starting to feel like one of those commercials for an anxiety drug. It’s so depressing that we’re 40 minutes in and we still haven’t seen them go to a club yet. WHAT!?!??! That’s when you know things are serious: when they’re too depressed to even go out to the club…
