Snooki and Jionni talk on the phone. Well it’s about time! I’ve been waiting for what feels like forever for an update on this relationship. Snooki still can’t figure out why Jionni is mad at her for dancing with her dress up saying that isn’t like her. “You get drunk 7 days a week, you make out with girls, and you’re dancing with your underwear out, that’s not you?” Well you forgot that she dresses like a slutty Elvira who slept in the tanning bed for an hour too long but yeah, I think that pretty much covers it. Snooki hangs up on him and immediately goes back to her beer. So much for changing herself for the sake of getting married.
Snooki is still depressed, but the light bulb goes off in her head on how to feel better: they should turn their apartment into Club Karma. Everyone goes nuts thinking it’s a brilliant idea. I think I’ve mentioned in this column before that I really don’t care for clubs, but can someone explain why this is such a good idea? Aren’t all clubs exactly the same? Music’s too loud, drinks are too expensive, bartender is impossible to draw attention from, slutty girls acting like entitled bitches, drunk idiots acting a fool, douchey guys wearing cologne by the gallon, people fighting about who stole whose boyfriend. Does it really matter what the name and exact location of a club is? Other than a couple of minor aesthetics, are you really ever going to find any major deviation from that formula? So Snooki’s idea is rather than go to a real club where all those essential items are already gathered up into one place for them, is to go out and put it together themselves: music, booze, sluts (well I guess that won’t be too difficult for them to find), etc. all which probably costs far more than had they just gone to a real club. And why? To try and copy a club in New Jersey, which for all intents and purposes is no different than any club in Italy other the name. Brilliant.
So as you’d imagine, the idea is incredibly lame. They brought a couple of drinks to their living room and danced. It looked like a high school party. Dare I say that the proprietors of the fine establishment that is Club Karma were probably super pissed to have their business’s name attached to this piece of crap. By the way, how convenient that house has strobe lights mounted in the ceiling. What kind of a**hole installs strobe lights as fixtures in their apartment? All the girls were dressed the same. Deena was showing a lot of skin. When she entered the room, they all started chanting, “THE FLABS ARE HERE!” Ok, now I’m just reaching.
Mike is creeping out…sorry, creeping on (I’m still working on my Guido terminology) Snooki again. “Break up with your boyfriend…I can take care of you…pretty please, I love you.” Wait is this Mike talking to Snooki or a reenactment of how I asked out my senior prom date? I’m just kidding…she didn’t have a boyfriend. Jenni wasn’t buying it. She wanted to go throw up when Mike said he’s in love with her. Well either that or maybe it’s just another pregnancy scare. Mike tells Snooki that Ron told him to fight Jionni. A big group argument ensues where nothing we haven’t heard before is said and nothing progressive comes out of it.
A depressed Snooki wants to cuddle with Pauly. Deena comes over to express her jealousy since Pauly has been denying Deena a cuddle for weeks. Snooki pulls a fast one by saying she’ll go cuddle with Vinnie, while Deena immediately moves into Snooki’s spot next to Pauly. Pauly immediately comes up with every excuse he can think of to get out of it: there’s no room to cuddle on these beds, he wants to go to sleep, she makes his penis quiver in fear. Eventually she gives up. Meanwhile, Snooki tells Vinnie that she’s done with Jionni and they hook up as the credits roll. Hey look I’m back to my average of writing around 6 pages this week (yes, the 6 pages doesn’t include the little monologue I wrote this week). Amazing how much more there is to write about when they don’t spend half the episode walking around the streets looking for each other like lost puppies.
Jason
