JERSEY SHORE – 8/26/11

Jenni pulls Ron aside to talk to him about Hannah. Her main concern was that Ron playing Sam would ruin everyone else’s good time. Not that it would hurt her friend; just that it would ruin the good vibrations going around the house. Way to stick up for your roommate, Jenni. And hey if I were Ron, I wouldn’t wanna get Jenni mad. I heard that after she has sex with a guy, she will rip their heads off. Heads!?!?!? As in both!?!?!? What a monster! Better stay on her good side and not ruin her good time. Ron agrees and says the Hannah thing is not an issue, thus preserving the safety of his heads for the time being.

Pauly, Deena, and Nicole all go to work at Romeo’s. I’m not sure if that’s actually the name of the pizza shop, but if you ever don’t know the name of a pizza shop, it’s probably like a 50/50 shot it’s called Romeo’s. The story here is that Pauly is having a great time outside with a megaphone handing out fliers while the girls are miserable cleaning up inside. They decide to have a little fun by both trying to fit into the same garbage bag. Because nothing says fun like trapping you and your best friend in a confined space usually designated to hold large quantities of waste. I told you that sleep mask from earlier wasn’t just a vanity mask. What you thought I was joking? I told you Snooki would be in the trash at some point in this episode, and I was right. You people should listen to me more often.

Snooki and Deena then pay some customers to buy some wine for them. How they can afford expensive bottles of wine on a pizza shop janitor’s salary is beyond me. They must be turning tricks or something to make some extra cash to satiate their need for expensive wine. I mean there’s no other explanation for how they can have all that money, right?

So they lock themselves in the bathroom to chug their wine because they don’t want to get caught drinking on the job. The irony of that is that while they didn’t want to be caught drinking on their pizza job, they had no problem chugging the wine in front of the cameras on their TV job. What they should have done is put the wine in soda cans like they did on the “The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention” episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. That way they could drink in front of their boss and he’d never know because they’d just be drinking from a soda can while doing their job…you know their job having sack races in garbage bags and soliciting customers to buy them alcohol like a couple of high school kids.

The weirdest part was that as a cover for their drinking, Snooki told their boss, Marco, that Deena was having her period and that she was helping her out. So apparently Deena’s vagina is so big that handling her menstruation is a two-person job. After the two left the bathroom, for some inexplicable reason, Marco begins snooping around the bathroom. What the H? If a girl says she’s having her period in the bathroom, what kind of perv goes searching for evidence after she leaves? What the hell was he hoping to find there? I’m guessing the only reason he got mad at Snooki about finding a wine bottle is because he didn’t find a used tampon like he thought he would. Marco immediately jumps into the same category of creepiness as that “trainer” from last week who wore a scarf while feeling up Snooki on the bench.