We’re off to another club. Snooki tries setting up a three-way for Mike with the same twins from earlier. The problem is that one of them is a virgin. While that’s going on, Deena forces herself on the slutty twin and starts making out with her. She kissed a girl and she liked it. The taste of her cherry chapstick. It figures that after three weeks of being rejected by men, Deena would naturally try to change teams, but don’t worry boys, Deena will be ready for more cuddling with you next week because as she put it she “likes Penis too much.” That’s right; the “p” in “penis” is capitalized here because she used it as a proper noun. So please don’t bombard me with emails about how I capitalized “penis” for no reason like you did like last week when I accidentally said, “Ron gots…” I’m right this time and didn’t just mess up the proofread again.
Oh I forgot the joke I had for that: ewwwwwwwwwwwww!
Ron decides to tell Sam and Jenni that Mike and Snooki hooked up a few months ago. Ron didn’t like the idea of breaking guy code, but he said Mike ratted him out in Miami and in Jersey so he had it coming. Evidently two wrongs do make a right in the Jersey Shore house. Jenni then tells Snooki, who denies that she ever slept with Mike. She then yells at Mike about making up the story that he slept with her. “How dare you lie about smushing me? You wish. My body is a temple. Haven’t you seen my workout routine with the box of wine that, that old dude with the scarf at the gym told me about while he mounted my backside? You think I would let someone like you with the million dollar body, ten cent brain, and face that looks like an overused catcher’s glove get with all of this? My vagina burns just thinking about it. MEH!” Okay she didn’t say that, but remember I can read minds. She did say she doesn’t want to be friends with him anymore. Finally, Snooki and I have something in common.
So Mike – who is wearing this light purple hoodie with the hood up that makes him look like Barney the Dinosaur only with more hair gel — confronts Ron about blowing the whistle on his phantom fling with Snooki. Mike is all pissed that Ron would reveal a big secret that he told Ron in confidence. Ron told Mike that it would come out eventually, which Mike told Ron was BS and only happened because Ron was drunk. Did he forget that he was mic’d and there were cameras that were shooting him revealing that big secret for millions of people to watch at home? I don’t see how you can be mad at Ron for that? I also don’t see how you can be mad at Ron for being drunk? Have you not seen Jersey Shore on MTV before? Ron is drunk like 90% of the time. I mean he’s dating Sammi again for god’s sake, of course he was drunk! Yet you expected him not to tell someone? So in review: Mike told a big personal secret to a perennially drunk guy in front of a camera following his every move for a TV show watched by 8 million people and now he’s mad that everyone knows his big secret. This would’ve been a perfect time for Mike to break out the “Sharing is Caring” song from Barney to teach Ron a valuable life lesson. He was already dressed for the part.
Jenni decides to console Snooki. The most shocking thing revealed here is that apparently Jenni has been in Italy this whole time. Fooled me considering I don’t think she’s had any air time since we saw her getting her passport photo taken back in the US a few weeks ago. Also, I’d like to rescind my comment from a few weeks ago about Jenni looking good now. She definitely lost weight, but now she just looks disgustingly skinny. Not like the “you clearly worked out, congratulations you look great” type skinny, the “you look like you have a disease, seek help” type skinny. She looks like a broomstick with double D’s. Not attractive.
The show ends with a montage of everyone going to bed. Seriously. The show ended with them showing everyone laying down and falling asleep. If Mike in his Frankenberry colored sweatshirt had tucked everybody in, this would’ve been exactly like naptime on an episode of Barney. To recap the highlights:
–Ron and Sam went to bed together. We all know they’re living a happily ever after fairytale now.
–Snooki cried herself to sleep. You may think this had something to do with the fact that Mike was telling everyone the lie that they had slept together, but actually she was crying because Deena had taken the last half sour pickle out of the jar in the fridge.
–Mike and Vinnie went to bed separately with each of the twins. I don’t know which is which, but the “virgin” one just got de-flowered on national television by an enormous douche either way. I personally find it hard to believe a girl who looked like that, that supposedly had held onto her virginity into her twenties gave it up after meeting Mike/Vinnie in a club one night in Italy. You waited all those years for that? Please, she probably tells everyone that she’s a virgin to not come off so eager, but can you imagine if she really did just lose her virginity to one of those guys on TV? I can see in like twenty years when she’s lecturing her kids about abstinence and the sanctity of marriage, her 13-year old daughter argues, “But Mom, I saw you f*** that guido from this season’s Celebrity Rehab on Jersey Shore season 4!”
–Poor Deena went to bed alone. Well that’s not surprising, but at least we now know what she was doing with the last pickle.
As usual, you can leave questions and comments here or send me an email. Until next week…
Jason
Pauly D and Vinny need to be included more, they’re the best (realest) ones on the show! Like when they are making fun of Ronnie and Sams black outfits. Or them playing with the little foosball game. Also no mention of Deena and the girl in her bed, then the girl gets with Vinny. What?!
Can anyone clarify for me – is one of the twins the same girl that Mike had already slept with? I’m confused about that and I already deleted all 3 episodes. It looked to me like the original blonde girl just ended up being a twin..? Maybe I just wasn’t paying much attention.
Nice recap. When I watched this episode I thought the same thing about Sammi saying she hadn’t been so happy in 20 years. lol! She also says romantical.
I agree that Vinny and Pauly need to be focused on more!! They’re funny!
@MAC- I rewatched the episode because I had missed some parts the first time and I also wanted to see if the girl from the beginning of the episode was one of the twins. I’m almost positive she is one of the twins because they both have the same name (I think it was Jenny).
Also, with that, I think that Jason is wrong about Deena hooking up with the “slutty” twin- she actually hooked up with the virgin! How ironic that the virgin goes from the Situation, to Deena, to end the night with Vinny!
@kaw0610 – thanks! I noticed that about Deena’s twin, too – she was the virgin. (Although I don’t know if I really believe that…their parents must be so proud! lol!)